It’s a beautiful rainy morning after months of scorching heat and you are lying on your couch lazing around, till your clock struck 8. You realize, it’s a Monday, and no matter how much you don’t want to, you have to drag your ass off to the office.
You decide to skip it today. Or you simply want to go late. The same old office excuses of falling sick and stuck in a traffic make rounds in your mind, but you know well enough they won’t fool your profession-minded boss.
You are desperately in need of an innovative excuse and that’s when this article pops up on your mobile.
Choose from any of the hilariously office excuses I am about to blurt out for you
(Do not forget to add a shot when you send it to your boss. Makes it look authentic ?)
1. I fell in the shower today and broke my wrist
You just have to fake a plastered wrist for a couple of days and you are sorted.
2. I am not a Disney frigging princess who can just sing the traffic away
3. Got pulled into another dimension this morning. So, got late for work.
When they ask you, if you have gone completely bonkers? Show them your pic. Don’t hesitate to add (BTW, just so you know. I was your boss in that other dimension).
4. Surprisingly, this morning all my clocks were stuck on Hiroshima time.
It was so ominous, I decided to let it pass. And again, surprisingly, it didn’t. Finally had to get up and fix the time and only then came to office.
5. Isn’t saving a life more important than working a 9-5 job
My friend got dead drunk and I had to take her home and clean her vomit all night. What? Did you expect me to show you the report while she was choking on her own puke?
6. Exotic migrating birds broke into my 30th-floor apartment
My home was destroyed and here you are asking me to do a double shift now. I need to file a claim against those winged thieves.
7. Gifs and Emojis are practically making it impossible for me to show at work
8. My dog ate my shoes this morning
Not only did he spoil my matching shoes of today’s dress, he got it stuck all over his fangs, need to take him to a vet.
9. My wife ran away, and I had to make sure she can’t get back in if she decides to come back.
10. I have been chosen by NASA to be the lucky one to be sent to the Mars mission.
You know they have been torturing me with these constant messages, finally had to give in. I am, after all, a fine specimen of a human.
11. Yesterday you named me Ms. Excuses. Well, who am I to prove my boss wrong.
12. I left my keys in the running car this morning and my other set was eaten by my toddler.
At least that’s what he told me.
Look how innocent this guy looks now.
13. Neighbor’s dog got stuck in my car
Poor thing is wailing so bad. Have some mercy, you brutal human.
14. I broke my doorknob and got locked in.
Can you leave your apartment unlocked to bring coffee and sandwich on time for your boss?
15. My Car Floated away, I can’t find It In My Parking
The heavy rainfall this morning made my car float away. But tenacious as I am, I am in pursuit for my missing car that just got literally carried away in the heavy rains.
16. Neighbors Cat killed my Favourite Fish Today and I am crying Buckets
And now I am hiding beneath a bush to catch the bugger, so I can give him the same death it gave my Goldilocks. Revenge is a dish best served cold. I shall feast on an ice cream when I am done hunting this monster down.
17. I Have been Farting all night
It’s embarrassing to accept I have tons of gas trapped in my little tummy because I had too many beans, broccoli and beer last night. Now, do you wanna be around someone who can turn the entire cabin into a gas chamber in less than an hour?
18. I Used Shampoo on my Skin Thinking it was Body lotion, Now I can’t get Rid of the Foam
Both the bottles looked the same, and me being me, I lathered myself up very well. Thank heavens realized it when I washed my hands. Now the foam keeps coming, I have already taken three baths since.
19. I Won a Free Trip to Scotland as the Most Fanatic Fan of this Show I Watch
Do you really wanna snatch this opportunity of a free trip from me, for a mere sales meeting, where I am just gonna sit and sulk.
20. I burnt the Left side of my Hair While Ironing
Now I look like a plucked chicken from one side, need a haircut real bad. Do you really want me to be a butt of a joke in the department?
21. All my Hostages Ran Away Last Night (PS- I am in the Kidnapping Business-Part time)
I wasn’t done with them. Their ransom was still due. Sadly, they all gathered and broke my safety lock and ran away. Now, I have the cops after me, and I am hiding somewhere safe. Can’t be seen in office unless you offer to hide me in your basement.
22. Emotionally Upset After Watching Jon Snow with his Own Aunt
Really, incest much? I need to stop watching this gross TV show. Too upset to concentrate at work.
23. I thought It was a Sunday
Had a “lucky night” with lots of booze and thought it was Sunday today.
24. A Cow won’t Let me Pass
This thing probably has some enmity with me from the past life, it lets everyone go, but the moment I try to pass, it comes charging at me. I have no clue what to do.
25. Bridesmaid at my Friend’s Wedding Ran Away, So I have To Be Her Bridesmaid Now
Since my friend’s bridesmaid ditched her, I have to be there in her place. After all, weddings just happen once and I can’t say no to a bride in this situation. I am sure even you wouldn’t.
So, which of these are you going to use this fine Monday morning??