Travelling is such a pain in the ass. Especially, when it comes to those long and tiring flights. But hey, each flight gives you an experience, right?
Some make you cry in agony while some offer services that make you wanna never reach the destination. Some have hot air hostesses and some have grim reapers who kill you by their death stares if you dare ask for something.
You might or might not have traveled through every Indian airline. But, if you haven’t, let me give you the practical and hilarious description of these airlines.
Behold, the ROFL reality of our Indian airplanes:
1. Air India
These extravagantly spacious flights have leg room, hand room, head room, body room, nose room, every fucking room possible. You can play cricket inside these airplanes. You can have your own concert and even organize horse-racing in an Air India plane.
When it takes off, you can have the exact same feeling as that of the very first satellite launch( because that’s how old those parts are.)
And make sure, you finish the meals served by the uncles and aunts…oops…I mean the air hostesses and stewards. Otherwise, be prepared to get a mommy style lecture, if you dare to leave your lunch half-eaten.
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2. Jet Airways
He is the first cousin of Air India. Don’t forget to try and negotiate with their air hostesses and they might allow you to play hide and seek aboard. They have an ample amount of space but the food will remind you of medieval times.
The sound of their engine while take-offs will remind you of the soundtracks of the Transformers movie. Gloriously loud. Maintained tech at work, people.
Really, most of the time their staff is busy cleaning and dusting the interiors which are dirtied by kids playing and sketching on window-panes and seats.
If we talk about Indigo, they won’t entertain you much. Trust me! Why do I say so? Well, they are no less than Chindi Chors. Huh! You have to pay them for food, for water, even for sneezing on board. Who knows, the next time you inhale, they would be charging you per breath.
Moreover, the air hostesses are so badass that they won’t even look at you if you aren’t a cousin of Tom Cruise.
The planes are compact like a two-seater car. Bottom line, if you have gold bars in each pocket, board this flight.
4. Go Air
This is a magical flight. You check-in with your luggage but might not check out with it. The air hostesses are the gatekeepers of hell itself. I suppose it was because of them the legendary dialogue of ‘Why so serious ?’, came into existence.
Forget about getting seats together.
On this flight, if you even lift your head up to say hi to your friend, things might take an ugly turn. Why? Because they just don’t like the concept of friendliness. Unless you are a psychopath, you don’t wanna experience this.
Too much of spice hurts, am I right? The same goes for SpiceJet flights. There are just too many seats in one plane, too many air hostess, too much noise, and just too many delays. The plane seems to be converted from a 25 seater baby plane.
What they did was, they just added 1000 more seats to the baby plane, without giving zero fucks.
Forget about the food, if you reach on time and are able to survive without oxygen in that crampy box above the stratosphere, you have survived the doomsday. A huge round of applause for you mate!
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Oh, the pretty flight, the prettier air hostess, and the prettiest food. Vistara flights are the flying 5-star fortresses.
You’ll pinch yourself to make sure that you are on a flight and not in a 5-star lounge.
You’ll get a cool towel the moment you step in, followed by the juice of your choice. Then lunch will be declared. And then five air hostess will surround you to make sure you get everything you need. You can even ask for a private jacuzzi. Sweet!! King size life man.