Have you ever tried to overtake a Scorpio? A Thar? An Open Jeep?
If you have even a teensy-weensy brain in your skull, I bet you haven’t. Yeah, you know where I am heading.
Cars reflect a lot about the person who is driving it. And when you drive, you better keep your eyes on the road and your brains in place so that you don’t end up messing with the wrong car (I mean the CAR-PERSON).
There are hundreds of cars on the road. And each car reflects a lot about ‘them owners.’ So, here I am, with the precise Rofl description of the owners according to the cars they own. Keep this in mind and trust me you’ll know which car to bump into and when to take a U-turn to save yourself from a lot of unwanted ‘BHASADD’-
Oooooooo Scorpio’s stand true to their name. The name in itself is poisonous. And 90% of the times, you will see a politician’s relative, a Vidhayak ka bhatijaa, their bodyguards or a group of rich, muscular and armed guys dirt-dragging on the road in this beast of a car.
My advice– Stand upright on your brakes and try to hold your breath whenever such a car passes you by. Donate Rs 11 that you survived and take a u-turn to part ways from this vrooming terror.
2. Thar (Open )
This car and its owners confuse THAR with THOR. When Thar cruizes on the road, the people inside it believe that they own the roads. You will find people drinking and smoking openly and also passing comments and thrashing anyone who dare raises a finger.
My advice– Close your eyes and pretend that you don’t exist when you see a Thar scrolling by. And oh, if you are on the road due to a lack of good luck, pretend that you are out of petrol and slowly stop before the psycho car vanishes into its own dust, far away from your sight.
Well, actually this is more of a travel and hire car. So, you can breathe next to this car and maybe the people will even ask you for directions. Just remain cautious if you see passengers inside the car have their faces covered. They might be from a political party or a group of local goons.
My advice– Just keep an eye on the road, but the moment you see someone make a rancid move, accelerate the hell outta there before you get caught in the middle of a gang war.
4. Maruti OMNI
Thank the gods, they have stopped manufacturing this ‘Kidnapper’s accomplice’. This is the certified car for successful abductions, murders, rapes and all kinda crimes. Steer clear of this satan’s spawn at all costs.
My advice– If by some utter misfortune, you spot one of these criminals on roads with tinted windows, get the fuck out of that place. Like run nigga, run like your life depends on it (cuz it kinda does). Stop to catch your breath only when you are 347575 km away from this son of a gun.
5. Wagon R
Oh, this one’s adorable like my puppy! In the jungle of beasts, this car is your soft toy. You will seldom find a self-obsessed rich brat or a pissed off hooligan in a Wagon R. The people who drive these have already seen this and done that.
My advice– If you spot one, give it a flying kiss. I bet you will get the same back from it before it drives away in peace leaving you with a sense of tranquility. Just… pretty girls don’t try that, you might acquire an admirer or stalker, anyone can become that right? Car or no car.
6. Sports car (Bad boys toys)
These swanky toys are most likely to have bad boys inside it, who are trying to take off from the road. The posh humm of the car will drive a chill through your spine. If you are a single female driver, they might size you up a bit, pulling down their expensive gogs before accentuating a supersonic sound and driving away as fast as a jet.
My advice- Try to stay behind the car and enjoy one of the best noises in the world. Just make sure to maintain a safe distance, because even if you accidentally bump into the rear of these cars, you will end up selling your car and still pay EMI’s for the repair of its bum!
7. Honda City
These cars have wanna be rich folks traveling in it. But that’s doesn’t mean they are harmless, OK! You need to be vigilant if you see a speeding sedan because they never stop after they crash into your car. They thump on the reverse gear and take off.
My advice– Drop down to your cruize mode and never…I repeat… NEVER try to get into a race with these killers. The people who drive these sure as hell know how to drive. So just stay away.
This magnificent creature is very rare to spot on the busy roads. Because mostly they cruize on the mountainous roads of Ladakh or Himachal or Kashmir or UK. I mean Uttarakhand. Just so you know. These cars and their owners are chilled out… sorted out people with one thing in mind – traveling the world.
My advice– When and if you spot one of these, try and take as much holiday vibes from it. And if you are lucky you might even see a bicycle or a tent loaded in the back which will make you cringe for a holiday. Any which ways, this car will only bring a nostalgic smile to your face.
9. Maruti 800
Ahh, these tiny wagons are a true pain in the ass!! They think they don’t need any space on the roads. Result? You will get a feeling that something is crawling between your car and the truck but before you spot it, it will probably be crossing the red light pretending that no one is watching. Its owners drive like they are driving a two-wheeler, changing lanes without any indication.
My advice– Keep a magnifier glass and if you spot a ‘JAAT’ or ‘GUJJAR’ written at the back of a Maruti 800, just leave them alone. Don’t touch and don’t pass any comments to make them realize that they have a tiny body. They get offended big time. Both- the cars and the owners.
10. Hyundai i 20
The next-gen car as you call it. It is “The car” of the teenager Delhi boys rolling on the streets of Rajouri. Driven by a youngster, shaking on the loud EDM beats will announce its arrival beside you. It is usual to find a bunch of happy go lucky teens smoking that blunt. You might even catch a glimpse of a pint of beer too if you take a good peek.
My advice– Enjoy the fun and carefree vibes that they keep spreading and if you are in a good mood, go ahead and give them a peace sign. They will respond back with equal enthusiasm and you will slowly float away back to your college days.
The adorable toy car that can even carry people inside it. I mean, they are just so unbelievably cute. The colors in which they pop-bright yellow, bright green, orange, pink, red. Oh my god, it’s like watching a kids car accidentally left out on the road.
My advice– If you spot a Nano, adore it. Usually, the owners are all jolly and cheerful. After all, they got a car at the price of a Bicycle! So, just feel the happy vibe and let them bask in the glory of being the proud owners.
Now that you know the secrets of the cars, and how to deal with the situations, next time you spot one of these, just remember what I said and relate. I am sure it will bring a smile to your face. yeah?