Ever called for an Uber/Ola?
I bet you have. And I bet there have been multiple instances where you want to burn the drivers down with dragon breath or something. Yeah, I know those times when the A-hole drivers irritate you by their questions and behavior.
For me, the one question that always irritates me to the core is, ‘Madam Kaha ka drop hai’? Because most of the times, it leads to another question and ends up with me paying Rs 42 for the cancellation charges.
So folks, here are those typical cliched excuses that the drivers make and I bet you have at least heard one-
1. Drop kaha ka hai?
The eternal question without which the drivers can’t breathe. The moment you call them, they will shoot this one on your face. And if they don’t like the area you are headed to, well, there goes 42 rupees.
2. Mere pas Gurgaon ka toll nai hai
This is one of the most cliched excuses. If he doesn’t want to drive that far, he will use this weapon to dodge your booking. I bet 99 drivers out of 100 lies when they use this armor of ‘toll nahi hai.’
Also Read: Childish Things That We Do As An Adult
3. Udhar bahut traffic hota hai, nai jaunga
This dialogue is delivered either with extreme humble voice (that you will get teary-eyed and you yourself cancel the booking) or with extreme attitude and anger (in which you will end up canceling and complaining about the driver on Uber/Ola forum). Though it is of no use.
4. Abi Time lagega aane me
This is one those excuses which can be a genuine one and sometimes not. Sometimes it is used by the sloth drivers who want to complete a nap instead of picking up a booking. You can identify them with their drowsy gutkha-filled voice.
5. Cash se pay karogey tabhi jaunga
For some drivers, its all about cold hard cash. If you don’t plan to pay by cash, they don’t plan to pick you up from your house. As simple as that. For them its a yes or no. And you are the needy one here. Just reminding.
6. Gadi me CNG nai hai
The most used excuse of the Uber/Ola world. When they don’t want to grab a booking, they use this one. I bet, one day they might even say, ‘Madam, gadi me tires hi nahi hai, isliye nahi aa sakta’.
7. Raste me CNG bharwani padegi
This reason is generally used when the drivers want to annoy you additionally. The moment they see that you are getting agitated for being late, they will announce that he needs to stop at the CNG pump. Oh yeah, happy birthday to you.
8. Smoking allowed nai hai
Ok, I know it’s not allowed to smoke everywhere. But mostly, it sucks when you see the matchbox on the dashboard and after you light the shit, he asks you to stop smoking as it isn’t allowed.
9. Drunk driver
There have been several cases where the driver is drunk AF and has no idea about the world. If you have experienced one of them before, you know what I am talking about.
This is dangerous. Because you are literally having a heart attack in the back seat and you can’t do anything about it. Just raise your hands to the almighty and howl him to slow the fuck down.
11. UP ka permit nai hai
The drivers who hate Noida have this weapon from the list of excuses. If they don’t want to get stuck in the Atta market, they simply say that Noida is a place they are forbidden to visit. You can do nothing else but cancel.
12. Nai ja paunga, Aap cancel kr lo
Then there are drivers who drive like kings. If they aren’t in the mood, they won’t even bother giving you a reason why they won’t come. At all. You can literally feel the vibes of ‘Fuck off’ coming from your phone while he says the dialogue.
13. No answer even after several calls
Some of the cab drivers love to keep their phones on silent. Or at least that’s what I would like to think as their excuse. Because how is it possible for someone to not pick up the call when you have called a zillion times, RIGHT?
14. Call Waiting
These stupid drivers call their girlfriends and engage in the longest romatic conversation you can ever imagine. because even if you call them after 5 hours, just to check if the driver got free- the phone line will still come ENGAGED.
15. Gyan baantne wale uncles
You might have encountered an uncle who believes in melting your earlobes with the toxic Gyan that he has filled in his brains. My advice is, simply put earphones and blast on the rock song, if you want to make it out alive from the cab.
I have had many hilarious experiences too while using Uber, but I have also heard all these excuses come flying from the driver’s mouth to escape a booking. And just because I have heard them so many times now, I can totally pick out who is lying and who is not. What about you?