Kids are the most innocent creation of nature and when innocence meets “the birds and the bees” for the first time, things rarely go as planned.
One day you are playing dollhouse with your seven-year-old, the next day she might ask you something totally baffling she heard on TV or in the school van. They don’t hesitate to mouth their opinion and say the darnedest of things.
To top it all off, Indian parents are the most confused and ill-equipped lot. We have no clue whatsoever when to introduce “The Talk” in the equation.
Here are some hilarious questions asked by kids and hilarious answers Indian parents come up with to avoid telling the embarrassing details:
1. What were those noises you were making last night?
It sure is nothing less than a nightmare to get caught while fooling around, let alone by your own kid. What do you do, instead of coming up with an honest answer? Simple, you beat around the bush.
“There was a cockroach in our room, we were trying to kill it.”
Believe me, you didn’t fool him one bit. Kids know when they are being lied to.
2. What is this? (Protection tool or an adult toy)
You thought you hid it properly, but then your son comes to you running, flashing your protection tool along with his white teeth. You grow pale. “What is this dad?”
“Umm, it’s a mouth freshener.” You tell him victoriously. “Can I eat it?” You glare like a volcano is going to erupt out of your head any moment now.
You fidget with the answers while your kid is all inquisitive and looking at you as if he caught you cheating in class.
3. Is intercoursing like golfcoursing?
They are not even words technically. Your first reaction would be,
“Where did you hear that word?”
“Who told you about it?”
Whether you say yes or no, you kid is NOT just weaker in grammar.
4. Whaaaa? Is the baby in your tummy?
So, you are pregnant again and when your daughter asks you where the baby is?
“In my tummy”?
“OMG, did you eat the baby?”
Now, what do you have to say to that?
5. How did the baby come into your tummy?
That is most definitely her next question. Thanks to the curious cat syndrome.
And no, the conventional, “God put it there” is not going to work here, because the kids are smarter now.
So, either you tell them how you and daddy came together and made the baby or some people have discovered a new theory, “there is a special fruit I ate, which turns into a baby inside the tummy.”
6. How does the baby come out then?
Now you are in a real soup. And no, the smart kid knows there is no magic wand that gets them out, they have seen 3 Idiots too. Your fault!!
“The doctor cuts the tummy and takes the baby out.”
You barely manage to dodge the bullet here.
7. That boy in class kissed me and my friend says now I am pregnant
Your four-year-old daughter comes to you crying. “No, it doesn’t happen with a small kiss.”
You try and pacify her, only to get bombarded with further questions.
8. Why can’t dad have the baby in his tummy?
You kid sees you having bouts of morning sickness, and when you tell him it’s because the baby is coming.
Your six-year-old stares at his dad, who is sitting on a rocking chair, enjoying his morning tea and says, “Why can’t dad have this one, for a change?”
“Only mommies can have the babies because it’s God’s gift to us.” To which your child reacts confused, how come, getting ill is a gift and why not daddy?
9. Why do I have to hide my wee-wee?
You 3-year-old loves to flash his wee-wee in front of the friends. You try to tell him not to do that.
He is an anxious little grenade waiting to explode, “why can’t I show off me wee-wee?
The best a parent comes up with is, “Do you see me or anybody else flashing ours?” Mind you, it hardly makes them stop.
10. Mumma, what are that uncle and aunty doing on TV?
You are watching something on TV when suddenly an intimate scene begins.
Your son immediately looks at you and asks the inevitable.
We either change the channel or tell them it’s a game grown-ups play.
Our society is in a sorry state. And we are responsible for it. Its high time our shy, secretive, and over-protective thinking towards our next generation changes. The excuses won’t solve the issue of rapes and improper behavior with our little ones, we see and hear every day.
Educate them, so they know the difference between good and bad touch. Answer their questions honestly, it might be awkward, but It’s any day better than letting them learn it from some pervert in the lift or at school.
Let’s truly support our kids in every aspect of their life, even if it means providing them sex education classes. Especially boys, since its quite confusing for them while growing up.